Sunday, July 20, 2008
what happened ?
sunday, 20july2008
alright, today is horrendous.
i tried so hard to complete my pbl2.
but i cant )x
i still have like one more part to go.
i'll try my best when i come back later to complete it.
im so freaking sorry muthu.
time is really not enough.
i still have to like study for econs.
econs econs econs.
shit.
got a nightmare yesterday.
felt like something pressing on me.
i cant breathe, cant shout.
and when i finally could, i woke up.
saturday, 19july2008.
spent half of my day at the wake today.
had some rituals to settle her body into the coffin.
i managed to see her for the last time at least.
the feeling was familiar.
just like 4months ago.
how i see my dad lying in the coffin for the last time.
within 4 months, i lost 2 close kins.
2treasures.
how many more to go ?
i dont know.
it felt so horrible.
watching the undertaker dress the accessories for her.
it hurt.
the cosmetic on her made her dont look like her.
u could feel the misery of every single one there.
dont talk abt those kids, thou.
then my cousin told me to go get omnia.
but when we reached there, he got the plan mixed up.
if i buy, the monthly plan is damn ex.
so i decided not to.
thou feeling a lil sour, but its okay.
then my jerkass brother.
he was looking for a new phone then.
but the thing was that my godfather havent had his dinner.
so i was kinda edgy to hurry things up and head for dinner.
i dont freaking know whether was it becos he didnt got me,
or he purposely wna look for trouble.
so he kinda raised his voice at me in starhub.
fuck.
i shouted back.
i didnt know why but i didnt thot of respecting him.
why shld i ?
damn, he's not showing any example.
and i guessed he shouted at the wrong person.
im not gonna just stand there and let him scold like a fool.
i guessed many there got a lil shocked.
esp my cousin and godpapa.
i dont know what's got into me but his attitude just freaked me out.
is either he changed or i changed.
i dont feel close to him at all.
not anymore.
its either he irritates me or scold me.
poke fun at me, even in front of others.
he's never like other people's brother.
NEVER.
im envy of lirong actually.
very..
she has siblings who dotes her very very much.
sometimes i feel closer to the other 3 of my brother.
thou not blood related brothers, they dote me more than him.
i guessed my mum feels it too.
i dont feel like talking to him.
anyway, got back to e funeral parlour at night.
wanted to stay over there to accp jenson.
but when i got home, my mum say since no one's driving me back,
i shld stay at home.
sorry jenson )x
tuesday tuesday.
friday, 18july2008
today sucked.
its dad's birthday, happy birthday PAPA.
this year is so different.
thou we never celebrates it.
i will at least say a happy birthday to him everytime.
this year, i cant.
i cant even visit him.
school ends so late.
by the time i go, the temple's alrd closed.
i was alrd very moody abt it.
then i reached sch.
fom.
i knew the guys didnt mean it.
but as usual, they made fun of me.
today was so different.
i thot of what dad said to me last time.
he told me not to give in to others,
not to let them bully me always,
not to be so timid,
not to be useless.
but i fulfilled none.
im so useless.
everyone seems to climb over my head.
just becos i wanted to be easy going.
everywhere, everytime.
what seems to be fun is not fun at all.
what looks happy aint no happy at all.
i broke down.
i supposed i gave them a lil scare.
sorry guys, i knew that wasnt on purpose.
i ran to toilet and shut in there.
minmin came.
thanks sweetie, ure really encouraging.
she said many many things to kinda revive me.
ure my idol(:
haha. that made me laugh thou.
really thankful.
then lunch time.
saw dbf3a08.
like ohmygod.
he's so freaking handsome.
i hope i can treat minmin goreng pisang for the rest of my life.
and of cos, treat her Ah Yi Bao Yu.
pls pls pls. i pray pray pray hard.
after school.
met up xiao hua, lirong and cheryl.
they brought me to chinatown for porridge since i cant bite.
when going home,
i tried to return call home.
but no one picked up.
called many many times and got a lil edgy.
called my bro then.
and found out a devastating news.
my first aunt just passed away.
like for no reason ?
i cried in bus.
2nd time of the day.
shit.
i promised myself no more cry baby.
but today, im twice.
i cant control.
sucked like shit.
rushed down to changi hos.
every moment i hoped for miracle.
hoping that i got the news wrongly.
but it didnt.
the body cant be retrieved out from the fridge until the coroner examine tmr.
thursday, 17july2008
went for braces appt with cheryl.
thank goodness.
doc said next appt take down.
realllly. he said it infront of cheryl.
i hope really can.
thou not hoping too much..
anyway, rushing down to the wake now.
hope my life improves.
