with hardship comes joy

Saturday, October 17, 2009

boring saturday

im feeling so cramp but i have no one to turn to.
lucky yan ling jie jie is ard to talk to me.
was surprised that she wanted to have a heart to heart talk with me.
thots was something very very serious.
turned out it was very light and comfortable.
that i even felt so much better after talking to her.
she's really really a duper nice lady.
she's generous, steady and helpful.
she understands my family's plight and offer whatever she could.
told me not to say thanks to her cos she feels strange.
hahha, how nice right ?
morning breakfast at 6th ave.
american breakfast, fav !
then she took the effect to send idiot teng to his class chalet.
got home after that and started feeling unwell.
probably due to the weather ?
haha, laid on the floor and bla bla bla.
wasnt feeling any better.
then that bloody ass called to boast abt his cycling trip.
say want me to teach and learnt by himself.
hahaha.
whatever lor, even better for me.
hahahah, i save my energy to teach him.
still wasnt well until i started to play sims 3 @ ard 6.
felt better.
then he called.
answered but he said he will call back.
so i left my phone aside and cont.
ate dinner with mom.
went out to walk ard.
bought alot of groceries and it was hell heavy.
what happened next is what i dont want to mention at all.
bloody ruin my happiness for nth.
boiling blood.
shall not mention anything alrd.

sigh, efforts unappreciated.
what a nice ending.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

i felt that i lost my soul today.
dont know why, but i just cant seem to feel myself.
i woke up early in the morning.
but different from usual, i didnt entertain my mom.
she understood fully i guess.
mr bao, come find warmth in me okay ?
passed my ftt anyways.
felt that it was easier than btt.
got my PDL !
but one issue.
i have absolutely no idea whether to take sch or private.
private appears to be so much cheaper !
aiyah, i dont know la.
hahaha.

baobao, no matter what, i wont mention that taboo word yea ?
come come into my embrace, lol (:
we'll be a strong strong couple ya ?
(:
its not deteriorating, its improving.
i feel stronger, i really do.
ure not alone.
for everything u've done for me, i know.
give me a few more years.
we'll not rely on anyone else except ourselves (:

Monday, October 12, 2009

with love(:

i am feeling really guilty today, yesterday.
and till the day i fully changed, i'll be guilty.
pinkied with mr bao yesterday.
but it didnt lightened my sentence of guilt.
i was really unreasonable yest.
probably one of the most unreasonable times ever.
i was crazy, uber siao.
probably due to my menses that came today.
but thats not an excuse though.
my dear had to wake up so early in the morn for his last driving review.
on a sunday morn.
where everybody was slping so soundly.
but im pissed with him for not able to stay up to watch true horror with me.
how stupid am i.
worst still, he came to my place after his morn drive.
bought mac, my fav.
set up everything but to see me ignoring him.
for such a minor issue.
i dont know what i was thinking but it was horribly disgusting.
and after that, i was so upset for shitty reasons.
and left the house.
leaving him at my place.
i sat at the void deck near my place and played sudoku.
for like 1 hr plus before he came down and look for me.
aint i horrible ?
after all these, my dear is still willing to forgive me.
who the hell on planet earth can stand anyone like me ?
but my love is still willing to accept.
suffered in silence because he didnt want my mom to worry.
no matter how harsh i was, he kept quiet.
because he didnt wna go back of his promise to change.
not to nag anymore.
not to hold my hand so tight it hurts.
to give me time to reflect.
he didnt forget a single bit.
like how he's willing to change for me, i want to do the same.
i will do it darling.
im so sorry.
terribly sorry.
i know u truly accepted my apology yest.
but still, im so sorry.

and to cheryl,
CONGRATULATIONS love (:
u can drive me ard alrd (:
congrats (:
happy for u (:

to my fav don-ra, do-ran (x
my darlings im so so happy for u guys.
my bestfriend and my love's bestfriend are now bestfriends(:
*winks*
no doubt night safari works wonder (:

to dora bestfriend,
this road is gonna be tough at times but no fear, i'll be walking with u thru.
marcus always tells me that there's nth unsolvable.
trust him on that.
for anything, pls tell me ya (:

and to myself,
ftt is in 2 days time and ure still blogging here.
u wanna die or u wna die ?
hurry go study la !
but before that, sims for an hr !
hehe,
meeting the teng's for a seminar this evening.
"finding inner happiness"
i hope i can (:

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

im so sad )x

faggotly upset after seeing it today.
when darling came and told me.
i was so sick the entire of last week i gave up my com.
i gave up sims and internet.
hahah, finally recovered now and i saw.
whats there to give up ?
am i just a toy ?
im a human being for goodness.
who is acquaintance ?
what is friendship ?
i have a mind of my own.
i can think.
why give up when whoever got who ?
and for goodness sake who got me ?
im my mom's and my dad's.
im not even marcus'.
i know how to set priority, i know what to make time for.
im terribly upset.
horribly battered.
i repeat myself clearly again.
i aint a toy, aint a tool.
i dont belong to anyone, anyone as in one at a time.
everybody has an importance in my heart, darling
aiyah, i dont know la. haiis !